Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Saturday, July 31, 2004okay i'm pissed with myself today... as in real pissed, everything i seem to do is wrong... argh!!!oh well never mind... there's always a better day... right? =) oh so anyway back to today's happenings. Came to school at 8 today, help out with the ndp... and only to find out our sjab contingent sucks, as in totally... BUT i am certain that they're gonna do a million times better than what they did today... hm... so went up for orals, didn't go as smoothly as i wanted it to be... *disappointed*... sher didn't turn up for orals, she was in excrutiating pain at home... poor girl, over stress a suppose... but she did turn up for the prefects' farewell later on. prefects' farewell: not bad, quite alright... not the touching kinda farewell... but its alright.. could see the council really racked their brains for them... and we did give them a hard time... especially the water bomb part... we got kinda pissed with someone's attitude and ya... as usual sher chua, the sweet kind and loving peace maker steps into the picture and once again "saves the day"... sometimes it gets kinda demoralising standing next to her, you honestly feel like a bad guy... haish but anyway... there's always 2 sides to a story... right? oh so before we left, we had cake cutting ceremony... man was the cake lovely... as in really adlin's mum can really bake... only 1 word... SUPERB.... hm... me and sher then rushed to grab a cab for drama, we were like half an hour late... *cheeky smile* could hardly lift those heavy eyelids open during drama... then after drama waited for a freaking 45 mins for that freaking number 12 bus to come only to see its filled the brim... irritating... and i was cursing the buses in my head... hm... to think i actually said if i didn't swear today it'd be a miracle... so a miracle DIDN'T happen... hehe... anyway went to my grandaunt's house just now for math tuition... nealy died there... my parents went to pick me up only to keep insulting me.... haish... insults. why even such a word? oh man, in the first place there shouldn't even invent the word "fish", not the literal meaning of fish, but the you know what meaning of "fish"... ya... hehe i know there are people out there who are hurt, suffocating so deeply inside they can hardly breathe. i know there are those on the beds in the hospital, fighting strong, fighting hard for each day to carry on, but why is it HE chooses to give life to those who don't cherish it and not to those who desperately want it? is that his will? Thursday, July 29, 2004okay okay so its been a few days since i last updated right? did anyone miss me? i'm sure there are... hehe kidding... so hm, believe it or not, i totally forgot what has happened in the past few days... oh no! something's wrong with my brainie!!! help!!!!!!! hehe...oh oh! there are some things i slightly remember though... like... MY CLASS T-SHIRT!!! its BEYOND IMAGINATION! its BEAUTIFUL, MESMERISING... and my vocab's limited!! so i have no more words!!! hehe... oh dear i'm like super lame.. so anyway let me recall today's events... in the morning, i came all prepared to ignore koala bear cos i was seriously pissed, and i totally ignored her smses last night... BUT it didn't work, cos she came tugging at my sleeve, honestly i thought it was going to fall off if i continued allowing her to tug, so ya, we talked, no actually i was trashing things out... and my dear si hui and polar bear took it to be very hilarious and found it realy amusing... they called it a soap opera actually... so anyway let me continue with the day's events or i'll just never end... oh ya, sent minfeng home at about 9.15, kinda missed 15 mins of ss... hehe.... poor girl, she had a fever of 38.9, which later at the G.O dropped to 38.6, which didn't really make much of a difference... okay, so the interesting part of today was that we watched the BUTTERFLY LOVERS!!! so cool rite, the girl looked identical to the cartoon girl "mulan" though... oh the funny part was that while we were waiting to enter the AV theatre, i found out that both me and cindy had headaches on the exact same side! hehe... we're jinxed! *gasps* hehe... okay, so the whole day through i was really worried bout having to see the dentist later, cos i have 2! as in TWO cavities! can u believe it! haish, so 1.40 came, i left the class... and guess wad... i'm fine! my teeth survived! the dental nursie was nice.... for once... hehe now to the part which made me happy today... i went for badminton!!! oh man i really worked out... so now i'm back home, talking to a friend which i haven't talked to for ages, have not studied my e.math probability and organic chem which i would have tests for both tomorrow.... oh! and i gotta take the bus to school tomorrow myself!!! *weeps* oh ya! jeez i think mei yi you betta watch out, what a crappy person, fancy using love... gosh i'm totally stunned at that person's behaviour, certainly hope you know who is it soon... meantime, i can only pray that tomorrow's 2.4km run will turn out fine... hope that my 2 bears can run well despite their injury, which i feel is dumb for them to even run, but ya... and hope that the day flows smoothly.... well that's all i've gotta say for now... goodnight everyone... Monday, July 26, 2004okay i've got questions!!!!1. why do people get themselves into relationship problems when they know its not gonna work out at the end? 2. why do people take unecessary risks just for the thrill of it all and in the end get hurt? 3. why do some people think that advices are gonna harm them when all they really wanna do is help? 4. why do some people have the joy of hurting others and not wanting to be responsible for it in the end? 5. why does God not trust us when he was the one who made us? 6. why do people like changing some beliefs of their religion into something destructive and use their lord's name at the end of it all? 7. in the first place, why did God even create people to think that way? 8. why is it that sometimes God appears to be so cruel as to take the people we love the most back to him when people on earth need him desperately? 9. Is God so paranoid as to have people be weak, suffer in poverty so as to ensure that they have faith in him? (i know i'm in no position to question but i just had to trash my queries) 10. why is it that sometimes one will feel so helpless because he/she is unable to help someone? 11. why is it that sometimes, no matter how hard to try to help a person be less selfish or be kinder, it never works? well that's about all i've got to ask today... stupid questions but well it just popped out my mind... hehe... .:: and all these times you were pretending, so much for my happy ending ::. Saturday, July 24, 2004finally!!!! away with social studies mock exam!!! YUPPIE!!! so glad and relieved its finally over... man it was really stressful... but oh well i DID finish the paper.... a lil miracle i would call it... hehe...so anyway, i'm happie yet again! finally as in FINALLY those 2 people are talking, well its good that one of them took the initiative... wondieful wondieful... *grinz* okay so now i'm busy talking to people, trying franitcally to update my blog, smsing people, and really... as in relaly multi tasking... oh is tt cindy i see that just came online... good... 1 less person to sms... keke hm... so what can i say, nothing really, nothing much really happened just that i'm getting more and more fake towards my family as the days pass, and its upsetting, oh but heck... "always look on the bright side of life"... right? *hm, mei yi, i think that there's more to life than just mm... i get how you feel bout the importance of this friendship u realy treasure and put so much hard work and effort into, but you know like the saying goes, it takes 2 hands to clap, and if he doesn't do his share, then there's no way you can make him do so. The truth hurts for sure, but it'll make you stronger for sure, and like you said, after this harsh lesson you will not get so hurt anymore... i know its easier said than done, but with a strong will which i believe u pocess, you will be abloe to pull through this difficult part of your life, and with your friends' support, you'll pull through even faster, but 1 very important lesson you must learn out of this experience is how to let go... remember there are some things we cannot keeep to ourselves forever, sometimes we just gotta learn to let go... and don't take it too hard on yourself ya? there's many fishes and many grass patches for u to pick... =) take good care of yourself... look for me anytime ya?* Wednesday, July 21, 2004hehe, decided to be lame today... kinda tired now actually, reached home only at bout 10... want more of today's details can go see si hui's blog, everything's there, i mean the parts bout me, cin, si hui and cheryl lar...so i went for tuition and the first thing the tutor had to say was, you have 1 and a half hour to finish the paper, i nearly freaked out but then i realise he was only joking... oh you know i was stoning in the bus and loads of why qustions came to my mind again.... hehe so here it goes... + why are there selfish people in this word who think that they are the only important thing in the whole entire world + why do some people like to flirt, does it bring joy? + why do some people do silly things to injure themselves or they so term it as a form of relieve? + why do some relationship have to end in tears and why can't every relationship in the world have a sweet and nice ending? + why is it everyone has to feel hurt nearly once a week in life? + why do God wanna test people when he created them? + why are some people so cunning? is being nice and honest really that difficult? + why can't everyone be true to themselves? + oh crap, can't think of anymore, well actually i do have many more, shall add it on erm, later.... hehe.... meanwhile i'm back to childhood with disney songs! <<> up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun, wonderin free, wish i could be, part of that world>> oh lookie! its colours! Tuesday, July 20, 2004okay, actually i didn't intend on updating, was kinda tired see... so anyway decided to do it in the end, why? cos i'm pissed, i'm pissed with the freaking school which actually took me 3 whole years to start realising the school system actually really sucks, i mean look! what kind of school people do we have huh...okay let me start from assembly, where mrs loh gave us a lecture, first she started with mock exams, how it helps us phyically, mentally and emotionally, well, it kinda makes sense actually though i found it pretty lame, so anyway she then came to the part where the aussie people came that day, my gosh, something i never wanted to believe actually happened before my very eyes.... people are always telling me sacians are despos and i never did believe it until that very day, do you know to what extent they actually went to, they boldly flung themselves onto the aussie boys! oh come on, its quite obvious they're already attached, so what's the point, oh for your information, one aussie girl actually said, "i wish those girls would just shut up," and a GUY said "they're so silly." my goodnes have you people no dignity, self respect and pride, okay, maybe you do but you did in a moment of frenzy and some screw just came loose or something, but i just don't get where all the love for oneself went... jeez, all the years of moral education, down the drain.... oh well, but this things over now, hope that all these people will actually learn from their embarressment and pick themselves up, and stop feeling so deprived... okay now to the part where i'm freaking pissed with the school. Now everyone knows that racial harmony day is tomorrow, which means everyone should come in their lovely ethnic costumes right? Which also means we commemorate this day to our harmonious community where we appreciate and understand the different races... right? but NO... our "wonderful" school has come up with this whole list of rules such as FULL ethnic costumes, saris to be worn at waist which is pretty acceptable, cheongsams not 12cm above the knee, to have been changed into school uniform during recess and go home in full school-u and oh! the best part was not allowing jap slippers even if you're wearing the costumes, and fancy them saying some "full" ethnic costume... jeez i won't even think half the school population's gonna wear anything.... its kinda a pity cos like for my batch its already the last year and these freaking rules only popped out this year, and no cameras allowed too... oh gosh, how crazy can the school get.... oh so most of us figured that mrs loh might not want us to wear ethnic costumes so as to prevent any distractions during studies... so i think half the school will just boycott the idea of wearing anything... *sighs* when can we have a more democratic school? Monday, July 19, 2004i'm happy happy happy...finally settled everything... phew... manage to talk to her on sat night... hehe... it was wierd how the conversation started... but oh well... at least everythings settled... aren't u guys just happie for me? *grinz*okay, so anyway i was smsing everyone wildly on that night, coz i was just elated! as in really happie... oh ya thank you everyone for all your concern, i really appreciated it A LOT... so now i'm in the library, updating before my tutorial later, oh ya just announced the new committee too! and cheryl was teasing me cos she said i made it obvious we were gonna announce it today.... okay okay, so i was sleeping throughout my lessons today, had a wonderful time imagining what kind of images the vcd was playing cos the screen just didn't work... oh ya! and i'm sooooooooo excited to buy my gown... hehe.... happie happie me! Saturday, July 17, 2004just came back from miss quah's bbq! ate soooo very full i think i'm gonna burst soon... hehelet's start with morning, i went in for the mock exam without studying! yae! i'm gonna fail! haish... so went for cca after that, heard from si hui that the training for the student leaders and pfa contingent started at 8 and not 9, but somehow they manage to get trained, luckily... so anyway we decided some stuff..... hehe.... was feeling quite okay in the morning just that felt a lil down after that, wonder why... perhaps i was tired, well actually i'm exhausted now... hm... sometimes i wonder why people contradict themselves... especially me! is it because we don't think before we speak? perhaps right? or is it because we say things before we even think bout what's gonna happen next... i always have people gicing me advices on what to do etc, and i find myself telling them that too, but when the situation actually displays right in front of you, you just can't handle it, and worse still, do as u have preached.... why? oh well, i suppose some things just can't be changed, some things we've gotta look deeper than the surface, some things we gotta understand before we feel anything, and some things we gotta sort out before everything returns to normal... right? oh dear, i think i just went out of point.... oh heck, can't think properly now... *erm, i do realise you're more upset than i am, and you want things to be said straight into your face, but can you do the same, cos everytime i feel like talking things out, i see your face and i can't do it, cos i'm afraid you'll blow... so at least give a hint when you're ready can? easier for everyone, and regarding the person you're thinking about, talk to that person straight in the face too... and i'm glad there are people you can talk to... good for you....* Thursday, July 15, 2004*long sigh* i am soooo glad to know what's going on... =) thanks for your help everyone... at least i'm not so clueless now.... hehe...oh but you know what... i still don't understand some parts... care to give me more detail? hehe... kidding kidding, it must have been hard on you peeps, i mean you peeps are like sandwiches, sorry to have troubled you all... okay so i woke up early again as usual... but this time really really tired... ,y eyes could hardly open, i was actually comtemplating(i used a new word!) on whether i should walk with my eyes closed, but then i realise i couldn't cos i would just roll down the stairs... hehe... and besides i wouldn't want to die know, too many things left unsettled, won't die in peace, no good no good... hehe okay now i got another thank you msg to say again... *blushes* thank you polar bear for your concern, thank you grand daughter for your concern, thank you si hui for your concern, thank you abigial, erm the 3/5 one for your concern in the bus yesterday too... erm... oh thank you xue ling for being there, and thank you to many others... hm... have been wondering why i'm so blur and why can't i be more observant and less blur and you know etc etc. then at least i'll know more easily what's going on... i can't even tell if someone's lying or not... and that's bad! that's terrible! someone pls teach me how to be more mature? *smiles sweetly* i'm really willing to learn... =) oh man, you know i'm so attracted to the song "i believe" by fantasia, i think tamara did an excellent job on the song, love it to bits! here it goes.... Have you ever you ever reached a rainbow's end And did you find your pot of gold Ever catch a shooting star Tell me how high did you soar Ever felt like you were dreaming Just to find that you're awake Cause the magic that surrounds you Will lift you up and guide you on your way I can see it in the stars across the sky Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before Now I finally realize See I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive And finally yeah I believe in the impossible If I reach deep within my heart Overcome any obstacle Won't let this dream fall apart See I strive to be the very best Shine my light for all to see Cause anything is possible When you believe yeah I can see it in the stars across the sky Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before Now I finally realize I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive And finally I believe Yes I believe Ohh Yeah Love keeps liftin me higher Liftin me higher Love keeps liftin me higher I said love keeps liften Love keeps liften me I said Love keeps liften Love keeps liften me higher Said love keeps liften me higher I said love keeps liften me high *well i wrote you a letter, erm i hope it sounds logical cos i wrote it during class... hehe... well i read your blog, i got your msg, yup i know you don't cry on people, cos you won't, there isn't even a person you can trust enough to really open up to... i get it... but everything will work out soon, won't it? i'm special to you and so are you, that's why i'm praying everything will be fine soon... =)* Wednesday, July 14, 2004okay, so i came to school in the morning, thinking everything would be okay, thinking that no one would read my blog, but it seems there are people who actually read it... hehe... forgot this was an open thing... oops... =)so as i was saying, i though i would be strong upon coming to school, thought i could pretend everything is normal but i guess i was wrong, beacause i broke down, and i really did... thanks god i had xue ling behind my back, coz she told me that sometimes not everything can be told to you, not everything you can understand and people do need time, and i know that... but sometimes doing what is preached is not as simple and i'm sure many people know that... thank god i had my koala bear to cry on, well not really cry, but more of tear... and ya, thank god for my grand daughter who actually cared, and thank god i had my polar bear to cheer me up yesterday... oh ya, and thanks si hui for extending your care, i really appreciate it... thank you everyone... i honestly thought i could hide everything and pretend just continue the day, but i couldn't, before i knew it i started to tear during the national anthem, i continued tearing even during the pledge, and that was when i knew i couldn't stay in that festival court, so i requested mrs heng to confrence me, and thank god she agreed... oh man... when i sat down i just like cried everything out... and i really felt better cos she too, told me the same things xue ling told me, and ya i said what i felt and i told her whatever that was weighing me down for the past few days... i really really appreciated that time... so ya, now i'm so much better... thank you everyone for taking my crap, i guess the stress is really making me go crazy, but i'll cope it... i'm strong! hehe oh mrs heng agrees too! *yay!* *well i read ur blog, and i don't blame you at all, becoz i know you're not as strong as you appear to be, and that in fact you're really quite weak... no offence though, but since i chose to be close to you and have already built that trust, then i wouldn't lose it... there's no use hating youself cos nothing's gonna be better even of you decided cut yourself or what so ever, but pls do remember that life is not all about you, otherwise god would have made you someone else, but he didn't. You are a believer of God then trust in him, he didn't make you to hate and blame yourself. If you can reach out to help others in need then do the same for yourself, you keep telling people to reach out for help and so i'm reinforcing that point, find help for yourself. Do whatever's necessary to bring back the normal person you once were, if you ever did it once then its not impossible to do it again. Hm... but what i can't understand is why you can't face me in the face to give me the pressie... y? oh and u said you won't swear again, but you did... so you're suppose to go for confession soon. Well i do agree that i don't understand you, because you don't really understand me too, perhaps i have had many expectations, but it takes 2 hand to clap doesn't it? so well i believe this friendship can last if we both take things slowly but first you gotta find help for yourself, like i did... and i will do my part in making the friendship work, if you even want it to work... * Tuesday, July 13, 2004hm... had to wake up early in the morning... could hardly pull myself out of bed, well had to go to school early cos my dad's friends, whom he fetches to work everyday had to go for work earlier cos he had a meeting to attend... so i had my last remaining piece of birthday cake for breakfast... yum yum... heheso went to school, got some photos that we took that day on the 9th of july... quite nice just that we looked enlarged... hehe... well nothing's been settled, everything's still not right, mei yi lost her temper this morning, man she was scary... so rushed back to class for lessons... nominated the singa award person... and the winner is.... STEPHANIE WIJAYA!!! congrats!!! oh sent sher chua home this morning cos she was having a slight fever and was feeling really uncomfortable all around... and she slept at 1!!!! jeez... so i was pretty determined to send her home and rest.... and i did it! yay!!! now i'm back home cos i suddenly felt that i needed to leave this msg for someone.... not anonymous though.... *to this person... i dunno what's going on between us, but we seem to be drifting further and further apart don't you think? perhaps its part and parcel of a friendship.... but i'm starting to realise i don't understand you all that well after all... i mean i keep asking you what's wrong and you don't answer, you weren't there when i was celebrating sweet 16, and i feel now that maybe i can't really rely on you anymore to turn to when i'm really upset.... why? perhaps its just me being paranoid, and i really hope so... cause i'm soooo tired of asking you day after day after day what's going on when you come in with a black face early in the mornings, i'm tired of always being the one having to take the initiative, isn't it suppose to be a 2 way thing... maybe these things aren't easy to talk out as i would have expected... but really... i'm exhausted, and if you still don't want to tell me what's wrong, then so be it....* Monday, July 12, 2004hey anonymous...i really agree with si hui... what exactly has my cca people, or even my committee and even myself done to offend you, i really can't remember doing anything to offend anyway, what more my cca... what exactly is wrong... as the president of this cca i NEED to know, it is the last thing i can do for this cca. Pls take note that if my juniors or even my committee members have done anything wrong, i will definitely get them to apologize, but if there's nothing wrong that they did, then stop threatening us, and leave us alone. If you're hurt or anygry in any way at anyone, this is NOT the method to resolve your anger... One more last point... LEAVE PATRINA AND CHARLOTTE OUT OF THIS... they have nothing to do this matter, they're clueless bout what's going on! So PLEASE leave them out of this... if you can leave so many innocent people out then why not them?! Please anonymous, please think again. don't keep getting people upset, it won't work... just TALK it out... As in PEACE talks? well yesterday was my birthday, sweet 16 i suppose most people call it, but it wasn't very sweet for me though... in fact i was too emotionally drained i couldn't help but feel upset for a reason... everything just didn't seem right... First thing in the morning i had to go for badminton, then rushed home to bathe, went to eat lunch first so didn't really have much time to bathe, then ran for the train only to realise later that i was early for tuition... man, didn't even had time to breathe... So after that travelled to ang mo kio, was picked up by my dad, and went to my grands'... did a bit of my mountain of homework and it was time for dinner, had dinner, went back to homework and before i knew it, it was time to cut my cake... unfortunately, my baby cousin was wailing at the top of his lungs, he just couldn't eat anything but he was hungry... so everyone sang the song half heartedly, no one really bothered coz everyone was too worried for my baby cousin, including me... so anyway, took some photos, ate the super delicious cake, as in it was fabulous, it was a hazelnut chocolate cake from prima deli, there was even hazelnut in the cake itself! hm... there was a small portion left so we brought it home and i had a piece of it just now... hehe... lovely... *smack lips* =) hm... today was stressful, there was so much homework left undone but luckily i manage to finish most of it... so recieved pressie form a few pple, got a really beautiful necklace from polar bear, a sweet ornament and clips from mei yi, a really lovely bracelet from sylvia and creatively hand made stuff from mag chia, which was really nice... thanks u guys... oh! the class sang a birthday somg for me too! hehe thank you! love ya all! Sunday, July 11, 2004ANONYMOUS!!! CAN U SEE ME?Pls read this... honestly, i'll try to keep it as short as possible... First, if you did read cindy's blog, that's exactly what i'm gonna say, one of my pinciples in life is... "ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE" and somehow we just got ourselves involved, so oh well, too bad for u then, but you've gotta know that we won't regret our actions, and we would be honoured to help a friend in need. ONE POINT i have to tell you is to STOP GETTING INNOCENT PEOPLE INVOLVED!!! Why are you getting people like OUR MUM!!! li jing, yi zhi, patrina, charlotte, bernadette, agnes and etc. involved?! They've really got nothing to do with this, i don't care really if you insult me, and mind you, i do NOT like charlotte, and get it straight that cindy DOESN'T f*** patrina as well... PLEASE STOP IT!!! STOP INSULTING THE INNOCENT!!! They have no clue what the heck is going on and they're getting insulted for nothing! Its pretty obvious like everyone else says that you probably are hurt, frustrated, lost and don't know how to vent all these emotions and adrenaline that keeps coming back, but insulting those unaware of this thing is utterly appaling, do you know? Is disgracing others the only way you can express yourself? i can tell you a few other methods, such as thrashing things out(which means talk face to face)? exercising? oh i know! crying helps... hm... i wonder if you've been for the "me to you" relaxation exercise, it did help quite a lot you know... you could go try, oh.. you know you should never be afraid to go counselling cause its not an embarressing thing really, you should always help yourself fist... well actually if you're trying to get me pissed or upset, it won't work... it won't work for any of us, sorry... but i'm still gonna emphasize the point to STOP INSULTING THE INNOCENT... okay? May God bless you... ~happie birthday to me lalalalalala...~ hehe lazy to type the whole song... oh to all those who sent me msgs last night... THANKS!!!... Maybe i should be more sincere... THANK YOU JOANNE, MY KOALA BEAR AND GRAND-DAUGHTER!!! keke... Well actually even my parents' forgot it was my birthday this morning until like after they left and i don't know how they remembered, or perhaps it was cause of my grands', they went over lar... oh well... now i gotta write something to anonymous... Friday, July 09, 2004so early in the morning 6 o'clock, i was in my bedroom, getting ready for school! hehe... qwll, i was pretty excited for minfeng's birthday "party" was praying hard that my koala bear would remember to bring the pooh... and she did! hehe...so we had assembly in the festival court then moved to the hall... my class sat up at the balcony with 3/7 and 4/6... couldn't really see though, my view was blocked by the balloons... mass was quite alright, the priest wasn't really boring... me and xue ling were screeching away up there and getting ourselves amused by what the pupils were doing down below... looking out for mainly mobile phones actually... saw a few cameras here and there... but heck, so mass ended pretty early, and the investiture began... so proud to see all the sec 3s there... felt so happy for them, well except for the fact that i couldn't stand some people there... well actually 1... when they announced the council members it was worse... never expected they would have chose such a rubbistic person to be in the prefect's council... oh but what can i say, its always the teachers' decisions... hm.... so after mass while everyone was leaving, me bao zhu and cheryl stayed to stack up the chairs and bring it to the hall.... man the carrying nearly killed me... 5 chiars... the last time i carried only 4! so anyway went to look for desir and xueling and went to look for chen lao shi.... saw her already with wei wen and jessie so we just settled there and tried speaking chinese... then rushed down to look for the rest... saw them there but the main people weren't there... so we went up again to the music room only to find that the whole thing has to be delayed cos of some people... so we waited and waited and waited... but still the "VIPs" didn't appear... so up we went again to look for them and found them eating cake, giving out pressies and me and desir just stood outside making a hell of a noise... hehe... so finally after waiting SOOOOOO very long we manage to get them out... got down and SURPRISE! there was a cake for me! the msg was something like "dear carlene, happie birthday... and something something from polar and koala bears...." couldn't really read coz i was stunned and the words were mashed up so ya... was really touched by everyone's sincerity... THANKS GUYS! THANK YOU MY BEARS!!! hehe... really deeply appreciated it from the bottom of my heart.... *muacks!* keke... but was pretty disappointed with my bestest friend though coz she decided to go walking around instead of celebrating minfeng's and mt birthday, but oh well, i suppose she's upset over the news... can't help it... There was this whole big cake left and no one else could stuff it down their throat, so we decided after much consideration.... to give it to the teachers!!! And we did it!!! yuppie!! hehe... okay so done for celebration, now to orals!!!! ARGH!!! i was the first!!!! FIRST!!! i was freaking nervous, went in there and pronounced the first few words wrongly!! As in i got the ying diao wrong!!! and the teachers' just looked at each other!!! *sobs* and i took only 4 minutes!!! 4!!! so short!!! but heck anyway its over... so i wish minfeng a HAPPIE BIRTHDAY!!!! may all ya wishes and dreams come true!... Tuesday, July 06, 2004After what i heard this morning, i'm utterly disappointed with some people.*I never expected you people to be so swell-headed. So high up in the air. With such a huge bubble on the top of your heads. I wonder why you all can't just listen to us for once... WHY??!! Can't you all not be so full of yourself, stop blaming other people and think you have been DEPRIVED when you had always been secretly given the chance! Can't you all be more sensible, less cunning, treat people with more respect, have more faith in people, and stop thinking we are DEPRIVING you of showing your talents??!!!! You think we want to hold on to our positions?! MY FOOT! You peeps keep saying we humiliate you... why don't you ask yourself what YOU have done to make us get so pissed off! Have you all no consience?! No heart?! How can you all be so heartless?! You think its easy being a senior?! huh?! well what does it matter, You all never do listen to what we say, everyone else can't be as good as you all, am i not right? jeez, can i just say i HATE you people?... ARGH!!!* Okay, so today isn't really good.. oral practise didn't go on coz i suppose everyone forgot about it... heard some unpleasant stuff from cin and was really really hurt.... haish but what can i say, not everyone thinks the same way i do... i'm so so so so SO disappointed i don't know what i can do to just make them WAKE UP!!!! Just what can i do to burst that ego bubble?!!! and 2 of them are so bloody fake! only know how to act cute act innocent.... BULLSHIT! argh!!!! damn don't feel like typing any more.... Monday, July 05, 2004okay HAPPIE YOUTH DAY pple! its a day for all teenagers ya?hehe, went for chinese tuition early in the morning, wasn't so bad actually... got my mens yesterday... sick... oh so after tuition we went to the ICA building or the "SIR" building to get my mum's passport, and then.... hehe... we went OG for "BRA SHOPPING"!!! keke... bought a few bras, tried quite a few others... oh bought wire ones!... hehe... so i'm teaching amanda maths now, suppose i'll be goign over to tm later on, keep my polar bear company, i think... see how... k then, update later... =) Sunday, July 04, 2004okay so the listening compre didn't turn out as simple as i hoped it to be, i'm so afraid i'll not do well... hm, but that's over now, now to the good stuff...the sec 2s bought this bangawan solo cake which must have cost a bomb, but ya, it was lovely... really appreciated their sensitivity... was really pissed at cheryl though, for splashing water at my socks, well, but i think it came out more harshly then i meant it to be, so heck, had to rush for piano so laft the celebration early, sad i must say, the sec 2s gift was really sweet... went for piano for an hour, was already feeling damn tired, went home, took a quick shower and off the house i went, nearly forgot the tickets, thanks goodness my daddy reminded me. hm, so reached school and was welcomed by a whole lot og guides, saw millions of ex sacians who looked really different, many guys too, well mei yi enjoyed the best time of her life looking at "timbers" i must say.... so went around looking at the performances, weren't that great actually but looking at the efforts of the girls, i thought it was a job well done. the ending was sucky though, all the ursherers had to keep back the chairs and the worst part was, only some choir girls were told to stay back to help, other ccas' could go after keeping their instuments, well kind lil me decided to help and i suppose i did quite come work, my polar bear went bongus, she was totally high, and you should have seen those tired faces of the ursherers, they looked shacked and sick in those court shoes, which they obviously almost never wear. Everyone was working really hard and there was much screaming, until a point where miss masura told everyone to shut up, one of which is me, i found it pretty apalling and rude, but who cares, then koala bear made some noise and she told her straight in the face to shut up, well, guess she had to be quite affected by it cos there was this girl who laughed at her... jeez, well kaola bear, don't get too upset ya... my mum was super duper pissed, she was furious, practically fuming mad at the planner of the event, cos she felt it was terrible for only some people to help out in carrying the chairs whilst others just left the place, she practically stormed up to the 4th floor looking for my sis, thank goodness she didn't see any teacher or the place would have become a war zone, she felt the teachers should have lend a hand too... anyway its all over, everyone must be feeling exhausted now having spent so much energy... hm... so i suppose everyone must be fast asleep in dreamland now, especially my polar bear... hehe... good nite everyone, sleep tight, sweet dreamz! Thursday, July 01, 2004Sec 3s:well, its quite upsetting not to have known you all better but i can safely say that i think you will not have much problems in terms of communication with the juniors coz you peeps have good repall with them, which i feel very happy for you about, becoz that is something i haven't been able to do. I won't say i feel safe letting you guys take over becoz you don't appear ready to me, but i will say that with hard work and team effort, you guys will bring SJAB to a higher level. so continue working hard, don't be shy if you need help in your studies, although your seniors don't have very amazing results, but i think we'll still be of help... hehe, hm... since i know you people the best of the lot, i do have some personal msgs to tell you guys... felicia: many people tell me you're not a natural leader like others, but you're someone who needs to be trained and i definitely agree with them. I have seen you improving in terms of attitude and level of maturity, and i have to say, out of the 5 of you, you're definitely the one with the highest level of maturity when it comes to organisation, however this trait can still be muched improve and that will be one point i will focus to help you with. You must learn as a leader to take criticsms postively and don't be as stubborn as me, it'll usually not do you any good, but if you think that it is essential so as to improve our corp then go all the way for it. As a leader, studies still comes first, and if you want to achieve good results, the only way is to plan your time properly, have proper time management, and only then will you become a good leader. However that doesn't mean you can neglect other aspects such as council and cca. Always be organised and only then will you have successful events. Don't aim too far otherwise nothing will be achieved... alright? Abigail: Hm... you're one person whom really disappointed me during the camp, but maybe its because you're not mature enough and i suppose i know why, but that still doesn't give you an excuse to tease others, okay? Compared to when you were still a sec 1, you have definitely matured after attending the advanced nco, and i'm very pleased with how you can dictate as a leader now. I think you can make a very good ;eader if you start to think more independently and logically. I'm glad to have seen your leadership abilities through the trainings and camp, but there's something i must warn you, and that is to always think about the feelings of others before saying anything. You're a very direct person, like amanda, that to you can be the reason why you will make a good leader and will also be the reason to your downfall, depending on how you make use of it. Not everyone is that insensitive to reflect all criticsms so watch what you say, even if you don't mean it. but overall i think, with more training, you will be a sucessful leader. Amanda: okay, what can i say... honestly, last year, you were in the list of holding one of the higher ranking positions, and perhaps we gave you too much hope, and that was probably the reason why you got carried away. I agree with you that studies come first and i hope you'll always keep that in mind, sometimes amanda, like abigail, you can be too direct, which hurts the feelings of others. As a leader, you must always remember to consider the feelings of the people around you and be sensitive to how they feel. You can be real whacky at times which makes you a reall good comedian when the atmosphere is tense which is your personality and which i feel will be of great use in the days to come. The only problem i see in you is that you take comments too lightly, do not always think that comments are made for fun, we're actually trying to drop hints to you on how to become a better leader and you should pick these hints up and try to improve. Hm... i think if you want to be a good leader, you must get the attention of people and that's something which i sense that's lacking in you, and it can be seen from the camp, so try to improve on that as well... so anyway, i think you've been a real interesting junior and i think its fun hanging round with you. Li Jing: girl arh, you MIA (missing in action) for quite some time rite... well i can't say much about you since you weren't at camp so its pretty difficult for me to see your leadership qualities, but from past experiences, i can only tell you to speak up more and be more daring ya? Yi Zhi: Well... i will tell you the same thing i told Li Jing, that's to speak up more, there's many good qualities that i see in you and i think is good for your peers to learn from you, that's determination and perseverance which i see will be much of a need for the 5 of you all in future so yi zhi, pls guide them along. As a leader, it is important to get the attention of your people and that is something which i think you can work on, and pls do so, also don't let the juniors step over your head otherwise they'll be very dificult to control. For you i think your main problem is not being exertive enough, do something bout that k... jai you! sec 2s: well i think you people are a really sensitive bunch, which makes it interesting to teach, but sometimes you all tend to take things to seriously, you peeps should learn to relax and be more optimisstic, also have more self confidence and work harder coz i see a lot of potential in many of you. Remember to respect your seniors who are taking over and don't step over their heads, which means don't take advantage of them okay? You still can look for any of your current seniros if you need help, and like i said during the camp, dont wear a mask or try to change yourself for someone else, ya? Sec 1s: WORK HARDER!!! Don't disappoint your current i.c... and don't give a hard time for your next batch of seniors, always revise what you've learnt and that's the only way to improve... ya? jia you! so today started out by me being late and causing everyone to wait for me... "sorry!"... just overlooked the time... hehe, so we headed straight for class but before that, had to write my super important meeting thing... my goodness, do you know mdm su smsed me in the middle of my tuition to tell me that we had to stand on stage tomorrow!!! i got so shocked i was stunned for like 2 mins... and just look at the standard of their drill... its gonna be so embarressing... *sobz* well but that's tomorrow, so hope everything turns out fine... damn i just found out my orals on the 9th of july!!!!!!!!!! so our actual plan was ruined, well just gotta push it forward to thurs then, which means some people won't be able to make it since they have their orals... sad... well but the plan still has to run... Hmm... what can i say about today, nothing much really, just that english was quite interesting, for once... coz we were reading something on "mind reading" and we read something about saying that smiling was the most complicated(in terms of muscle movement) coz the region of eye muscles are also utilised, which means a real sincere smile is pretty difficult to do... hehe oh yae... to si hui and adeline... "happie birthday to YOU, happie birthday to YOU, happie birthday to YOU, happie birthday to YOU!" May all ya wishes and dreamz come true, may God always bless and protect you and all the best in whatever you do! *muacks* Somehow, i don't know why but i seem to be getting mushy, something wrong with my brain cells i think, keep saying things like "luv ya", and "*muacks*" out of the blue... jeez, think i'm going crazy... save me!!!!!!! hehe |